Reasons I love My Mother-in-Law - Part Nine

Pregnancy makes me sick. Literally. I puked everyday for 41 weeks.

The early days -premeds- were the worst.

On one particularly terrible day, having had 5 'spells' in an hour, I called in sick and planned to spend the day in bed, garbage bin at my side.

By around 10:30am I had finally fallen back to sleep, only to be woken up by, you guessed it, my MIL. She had come over to take the dog for a walk.

So, there I am in a tank top and undies, in bed, sleeping and totally green. Most people would ask if I needed anything and then leave. My MIL sits on the end of my bed and starts telling me some 'enthralling' story about one of her neighbours or clients or how the Emperor of China's daughter isn't getting ultrasounds so maybe I shouldn't either or something.

Halfway through this fascinating tale I start retching again. She keeps talking, only louder to be heard over my heaving.

Laying halfway off my bed with my head in the bin, having just performed a spot-on impression of the Exorcist, she asks 'Are you listening to me?'

Reasons I love My Mother-in-Law - Part Eight

I am not a crier. Don't get me wrong, I am not morally opposed to crying, I just am more of the bottle-it-all-up or bitch-and-complain-about-it type.

So for my husband to call home to find me balling my eyes, was, well, rather off-putting to him.

See, as you may recall my MIL has a charming habit of just stopping by. She did this often in the early days of my maternity leave (before she realized she doesn't like babies). One time when my daughter was about 4 months old she barged in to find us napping on the couch together.

She then proceeded to freak out, wake up the baby and shower me with (ahem) useful advice.

• And I quote "What are you doing? Don't let the baby sleep on you! She will get used to your heartbeat and never want to sleep without you!" Note: not that the 41 weeks in utero would have made her at all used to my heartbeat.
• "When she gets colicy, give her boiling water in a bottle." Note: she was never once colicy, and I am not sure scalding water would make a kid stop crying.
• "Here is a book written by the Pet Psychic with diets you should give the dog. She is very wise and you should do this or the dog will get cancer." Note: It was the same diet that she fed to our dog giving her severe pancreatitis.

It was the Pet Psychic diet that sent me over the end.

Reasons I love My Mother-in-Law - Part Seven

So, my MIL is from Poland and thus speaks Polish (frankly better then she speaks English). I, on the other hand, do not speak of word of Polish.

She has a charming habit, take our 'festive' NY dinner today for example, of carrying on entire conversations in Polish.

An hour long dinner and not a word of English. The Hubz and FIL answer her in English but she continues to speak in Polish.

According to the Hubz, I was the luckiest one at the table.